garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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