idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
