his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
