You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
