I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
