He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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