its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just want to make out with him forever
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
