My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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