I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
