true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
