i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
