haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
