what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
