the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
