don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
