you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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