I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
