A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
