you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
