What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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