She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
