I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We have started to decorate penises.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
