she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
