Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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