I like to think it a success when the cops are called
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
