A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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