Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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