if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
