I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
