I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
