you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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