I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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