Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You are a genius and a whore.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
