There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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