Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
