I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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