my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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