im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
