if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
someone owes me an orgasm
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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