I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
