You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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