IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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