she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
