doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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