I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
