FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
