hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
