If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
