I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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