shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Randomize