this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
