If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
