My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
