It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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