That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
