The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
