Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
