Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
