Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry briannaaaaaahhhh hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(310): View more from California

my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.

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(360): View more from Washington

thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking

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(214): View more from Texas

She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter

(214): View more from Texas

Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.

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(954): View more from Florida

I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time

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(416): View more from Toronto

In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.

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