And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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