He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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