I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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