I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
